wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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