i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
