why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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