I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
