I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
