I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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