I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
