i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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