glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
