I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize