I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
