Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
