i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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