I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
