you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
