What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
