I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
