she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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