In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
