You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
