I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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