i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
