that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
