I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
