What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize