You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
