If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
