tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
