all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
