This girl is more easily done than said...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
