I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
