is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
