Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
