she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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