Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
