Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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