I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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