Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
