he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
