is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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