Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
