Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What's dad's email?
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