I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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