at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
