I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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