OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
