weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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