what day is it and did you see me today?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
