she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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