Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
