i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
