So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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