I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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