I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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