so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
