I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
