We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
