the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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