Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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