You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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