i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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