So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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