Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I looked at my own cervix.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
