dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
