Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
