Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
