Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
