I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
