do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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