Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
