yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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