I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bring money and cleavage
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
