since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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