He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
