You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's the barista slut.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
