whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
