everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
