The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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